Tag Archives: cyclocross

Cyclocross is for idiots

Here is a brief history of my experience of riding off-road:

  • Zipping across the grass at Hove Park  to use the public toilets after too much Leffe whilst watching the racing on a Friday evening.
  • Pushing an old bike up a big hill in Woodingdean, whilst swearing incessantly at my then-boyfriend whose stupid idea it was to go that way.
  • Slightly drunken 2am short-cuts across parks in Brighton.
Hove Park before a race

Hove Park before a race

Now that you know what an expert I am, let’s talk about all the top-spec bikes I’ve spent thousands on.

I’ve ridden 4 bikes in my adult life:

  • Lady Bike. Inherited from my mother. Used for shopping (it had a basket), and occasional seafront spins. Stolen from outside my flat in 2011.
  • Rust Bucket. Donated by a friend after my other bike got nicked. It didn’t much like changing gear, and eventually ended it’s days on that hill in Woodingdean.
  • Claud! My first proper road bike and the best thing that ever happened to me (no, really). Lover of Sussex roads.
  • Annie the Single Speed. A long term loan from my favourite bike mechanic. Rarely leaves the city.

So, as you can see, I’m well equipped for a foray into the muddy world of cyclocross……

Having been to my share of CX races as a spectator or helper, I decided it was probably time I gave it a go myself. There’s something about the atmosphere around cyclocross racing that appeals to me far more than road racing. Yes, it’s a proper competitive sport, and at a high level there’s nothing particularly light-hearted about it. But with the existence of events like Muddy Hell,  City Cross and races like White Chalk Hills CX, it’s obvious that there’s a really fun side to the sport. (Also, there often seems to be beer.)

Riding Cyclocross really is the best fun you can have on a bike. Road riding is all about style, finesse and panache, the history and the suffering. Cyclocross is about the fun, suffering, mud, friends and beer.

Mark Tearle, after Muddy Hell 2012

White Chalk Hills CX

White Chalk Hills CX (photo by Gavin Peacock)

White Chalk Hills CX (Photo by Gavin Peacock)

White Chalk Hills CX (Photo by Gavin Peacock)

The perfect opportunity presented itself in the form of a women’s CX rider development session, at Herne Hill. The session is aimed at novices, and you can even hire a CX bike as part of the cost of the day, which is only £6. BARGAIN. I booked in with my friend Monika, taking comfort in the fact that she is also a total newbie.

The ‘cross course at Herne Hill is being developed at the moment – and it’s starting to look brilliant. Whilst they’re still digging bits of it the mud is more churned up than usual, and thanks to the rain we’ve had recently the mud is also more….muddy. Getting muddy doesn’t bother me – in fact I really like it – but keeping my bike upright in the mud does worry me. Especially when the bike you’ve borrowed doesn’t really fit you, and the brakes are mostly there for decoration.

I am always a bag of nerves when it comes to new things. If you asked the me from 2 years ago if she would like to go on a CX training session, she would have laughed loudly, told you to piss off, and poured a gin (I will probably still do the third one of those). The 2013 edition of me is a bit better at trying stuff, especially if it’s on two wheels, but still gets just as scared.

It felt completely alien and unnatural riding a bike in thick mud, over bumps, down slippery slopes and through trees. After 5 minutes I considered running away and giving up (no change there). Then I thought about how terrified I used to get going down fast hills on my road bike, and that after doing it lots of times it stopped being scary and started being the best fun ever.


This mud is sponsored by Morvelo.

The first time around the course I stopped and pushed my bike countless times. “A BUMP? I CAN’T RIDE OVER THAT!”. The second time I got off the bike slightly less. I even rode a medium sized bumpy-humpy-jumpy-thing and squealed with excitement when I didn’t fall off. By the third time, I was no less scared, but actually starting to enjoy bits. The concentration involved in staying upright is far, far more than when riding on the road. I’m glad there were no cameras, because I dread to think what kind of faces I was pulling.

There is one very steep section on the course, it’s only a couple of metres, but it’s short, sharp and slippery in equal measure. Going up it was fine…with little to no grace I’d jump off the bike and run up it. Then the instructor said we were going to go around the course in the other direction, which meant going down it. I will save any build up or suspense – I didn’t ride down it. I was too terrified. Next time I will be courageous. Maybe. Monika rode down it and ended up on the floor. She is a braver woman than me, and I salute her and her very muddy arse.

My muddy arse. (Not muddy enough. Must try harder.)

My muddy arse. (Not muddy enough. Must try harder.)

I was very aware of how painfully slowly I was travelling 90% of the time. Had I been going faster I wouldn’t have had to get off the bike so much – hitting thick sections of mud when you’ve got some momentum going is always going to be easier than dragging the bike through it at walking pace. So, I need to get braver, which means going faster, which means riding more of the course, which means having more fun. Sounds simple enough – I best get practising.

Today I ache all over. It’s the good kind of ache, though – the kind that reminds you that you didn’t spend your whole weekend on the sofa.

So, in conclusion: cyclocross is utterly stupid. It’s really hard, and really scary, and you’d have to be an idiot to do it. And I think I’m going to do it again very soon.


Me and my (not very) trusty steed.


(There is a second women’s cx session at Herne Hill in December, as well as a men’s one. There are details here, if you want to borrow a bike then you need to book in advance.)

White Chalk Hills UCX

White Chalk Hills UCX, December 30th

This promises to be a fantastic ride. An Ultracross challenge across beautiful Sussex. On-road, off-road, bostal climbs and mud. Not for the feint hearted, mind you. I will be going along for the Belgian beer and stories at the end – but my legs, my bike and my (complete lack of) off road experience are not up to the ride itself. If you have a CX bike or mountain bike and fancy an epic day out, don’t miss this.

In the words of the chaps at Vélo Morphē:

“We have to make it clear, what follows is NOT a race and NOT an event.  It is simply a suggestion of what will make a great UltraCross route in East Sussex, and a time and date which would seem to us as good a time as any to do this.  If you choose to do this at that time you are doing so of your own free will.”

 For full details of the UCX click here

Keep up to date via twitter: @velomorpha

Stanmer Park Cyclocross

Today I was up bright and early to lend a hand setting up for the cyclocross at Stanmer Park. Nothing that begins at 5.45am ever starts well, but it was a brilliant day in the end.




Huh? Wha? Urghhhh….



Rain. Lots of rain. It might stop if I wait a bit.


More rain. Run out of excuses not to leave. Time to harden up.



Trains are nice and dry, aren’t they.



Sinking mud underfoot. A few kilometres of plastic tape. A few hundred plastic stakes.





A change of shoes and a cup of coffee


People with bikes! Lots of them! Oh yay!







Muddy people. Muddy bikes.

Belgian beer. Gin.

Smiles all round.

Gavin took some excellent photos of the race today, which you can see here.

Knog Muddy Hell

Last night I went up to London to check out Muddy Hell (“The Scariest Cyclo-X Race of the Season”) at Herne Hill Velodrome.

This was the first time I’d seen any cyclocross, other than on a computer screen. I turned up with a friend and a bag of beers – which was definitely a good move. Beer jackets deployed, we managed not to freeze to death. There was an atmosphere of fun right from the start, and I don’t think it was just the fancy dress. Everyone was having a brilliant time: riders and spectators.

Ghost rider on the Muddy Hell course

Beer tent

I had the pleasure of talking to BLIXA of Vélo Morphē after his race. Once he’d cleaned the mud out of his mouth with a Belgian beer, he answered my questions.

Mud everywhere, freezing cold to your bones, bike buggered from all the mud and body bruised from falling off – it sounds like a whole lot of pain. Was it really “hell” or is the suffering all part of the fun?

Riding Cyclocross really is the best fun you can have on a bike. Road riding is all about style, finesse and panache, the history and the suffering. Cyclocross is about the fun, suffering, mud, friends and beer.

Can you describe the course? It looks huge, and I’m pretty sure we couldn’t see all of it from the beer tent..

The course was winding and ‘technical’ – it flowed from the arena, then across the velodrome track to a sharp bank drop, then an off camber single track. It was extremely muddy and very treacherous. The course wound back in on itself, again and again as it went round the perimeter of Herne Hill velodrome. There was a steep bank climb which was then followed by some steps, before making its way back into the arena where there were the ‘whoops’ and the ‘barriers’ to skip over before the final hurdle of that ramp and jump.

Anything else to add?

That was probably the most fantastic thing I’ve ever taken part in.

BLIXA, aka The Raven Man. [Photograph (c) Nick Hussey of Vulpine Apparel]

“Muddy”. They didn’t lie.

Perhaps it was because I couldn’t feel my limbs due to the cold, or perhaps it was the beer I was drinking, but watching everyone race through the thick mud and in the icy rain made me wish I’d brought a bike and joined in the horrific suffering fun for myself. I want a go!

There’s no CX bike in my life at the moment, but I think it’s time I sorted that out. Bring on next year…

Demon Cyclist, AKA me. I told you it was cold.

Annoyingly I didn’t manage to get any decent photos of the riders, but you can check out the official photos here.

And an excellent video of the night by Olly Townsend here.